Thursday, May 1, 2008

Something I SUCK at.

1 the process of maintaining or preserving someone or something, or the state of being maintained
• the process of keeping something in good condition

Credit/ Bills
I am in debt a mere $2000 dollars or so. Something that could easily be paid off in about 3 months or less even. Easily. But, for some reason, I only pay for something when its in my face. Like when the cable goes out because I didn't pay the bill, or my phone. I mean, really my phone and cable isn't cut off off frequently because I don't pay until it is. That's not the case entirely. BUT, it has gotten to that a few times. It hasn't happened many times, but still, that should never happen to a 25 year old with a good job, and steady income. I've let things got into collections... And some of it is because I didn't always make good money, but still. I don't know. I was talking to my Sister in Law Emily about it, and there is no logic. I have no excuse. I'm just irresponsible. I just want to have the $2000 to pay it all off at once. I need a financial advisor to tell me where the money needs to go when I get a paycheck, and sit down and write the checks right then or call and make the measly monthly payments that need to be made. I am awful with money. I just want it for MEEEE when I get it. BLAH... I'm retarded and need to be trained. I really want to be good. I want good credit. I want to buy a house someday...

My poor car. I am so lucky to have and it's in need of an oil change and possibly brakes it's starting to sound like. And again, I've probably needed them for a month or more and I haven't gone to do shit about it. I've had oil changes, I just always wait what's probably way too long out of pure laziness. I don't deserve a nice car. It's pretty clear...

I've only been in 2 real ones. But, I think I sucked at them. I think I'm alright in the beginning and then I have all these hopes and ideas of what I'm going to do and how great it will be. But, I get lucky and get a good dude, and just sit there and don't do jack, I feel like. Like I just wait until it's convenient for something to be done, and I don't speak up enough about ho I feel or what I want and want to do. I just go with the flow and expect everything to just work itself out. And, for the most part that works out great! Because, honestly I am very easy going, and I am usually happy doing nothing as long as I'm with the person or people I want to be with at the time. I don't know how to explain myself for shit. This probably sounds like jibberish. I just feel like I've cheated myself and past relationships because I'm so closed off. And I know that it's essential in a relationship to communicate everything or it will fail. And knowing that I don't get WHY, I can't just speak he fuck up sometimes. I feel I've gotten better. But, I know there is A LOT of room for improvement.

Other areas include: Housework, and working out.

I just really, really got to get my act together.


Emmie said...

Oh mama.

I'll be your financial advisor...but you'll probably hate me.